you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
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