I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Randomize
