My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
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