He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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