those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
