I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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