Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
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