So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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