I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
