SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Randomize