well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Randomize
