Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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