Heybabeimwearingurpanties
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
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