I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize