My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
