He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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