ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
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