I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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