Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Randomize
