I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
