nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
