yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
