All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
