I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
We need to get me chipped asap
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
