God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
