I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
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