So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
