If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
i just made my gag reflex go away.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
