Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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