Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
