i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
