I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
