I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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