My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize
