My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
