I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Is Oprah even human
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
