She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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