Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
