were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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