just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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