she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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