Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Say something about gay babies.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
