On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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