she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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