I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
So many bounce houses so little time
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Randomize
