i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
