she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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