I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Randomize
