It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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