That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
