Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
