ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
