Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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