I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
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