what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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