Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
COCAINE IS GR8
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Randomize
