My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
