Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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