I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
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