All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
