I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
