it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
