When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
