Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
